Things that people, sat behind you, say at the cinema ....

[Fever Dawg]

The funniest one that I remember is, ages ago, at a showing of Pulp Fiction ....... as the end credits rolled a guy, sat behind me, said to his friend "Eh ? So John Travolta came back to life then ?"
:D

[rumbletum]

I know a girl who saw the Truman Show, thought it was real & said "that Truman is the spitting image of Jim Carrey!!!!!"

[mikegray]

The time - a couple of years back on the Canadian opening weekend of The Sixth Sense
The place - a cinema in downtown Montreal
The repressed memory - AS Level French...

I'd gone to see The Sixth Sense, and just as the twist happened, the French guy behind me exclaimed very loudly, "Ah! Quelle Surprise!" and I burst into fits of laughter and was stared at in bemusement by a hundred Canadian cinema-goers... I'd never believed that the French really said that, I thought it was just GCSE textbook stuff! :D

[FightForTheRight]

When I went to see Vertical Limit, a guy in front (I know it's supposed to be behind :eek: ) laughed when Chris O'Donnell's character's father cut the rope and killed himself. :rolleyes:

Have to admit it seemed a bit out of taste - then again I laughed, but only at the overall crapness of the film! :D

[feverpitch96]

A woman behind me at Titanic:
"If she says "JACK!" one more time I'm gonna scream..."

[Citysmith]

Years and years ago I went to see Desperately seeking Susan, and although he didn;t say any particular words, the guy sat directly behind me and my school mate was having a ****. His face looked like :clap:

[tj_director]

Originally posted by Citysmith
Years and years ago I went to see Desperately seeking Susan, and although he didn;t say any particular words, the guy sat directly behind me and my school mate was having a ****. His face looked like :clap:

was it the other guy, or your mate who was pleasuring himself??? this all sounds a bit iffy!! :confused:

are you sure you weren't at The Foxy Roxy watching Desperately S**king Susan or something??? :nuts:

[Tony Keats]

When I saw The Matrix I had some selfish, cynical ass sat behind me who greeted every narrative development with either an "AS...IF!" or a "Yeah right!".

He quitened down a bit in the middle (well, for about ten minutes), but started stirring again near the end. This time he opted for deliberately exagerrated yawns which were usually followed by shuffling and/or rummaging. As the credits rolled his parting shot was (predictably) "Is that it??!".

Now, I actually agree with him on that last point, but I'd still feel justified in pushing him down some stairs (which, coincidentally, was something I briefly considered when exiting the cinema).

[Jimmyboy]

The most common ones are -

Whats happening here then ?.

Why did he do that ?.

As if that would happen in real life.

[neilsona]

This reminds me of my worst experience at the cinema.
Sitting behind me were a couple who resembled the Nesbitt's(from the rab c nesbitt show) and were obviously not used to being in a cinema gave everyone in their close prox. a running commentary on THE ENTIRE FILM.The film was Tombstone and towards the end this couple argued over whether or not that Charlton Heston was on screen.It went something like this.
c.h=Charlton Heston.

is that c.h.
no it cannae be
i'm telling you it is
and i'm telling you it's no
he looks like c.h.he sounds like c.h.
look no way is that c.h.it's two hours into the movie.now why c.h. wait until the end to appear.
you're right it cannae be c.h.
no wait a minute i think it is c.h.
no you were right it cannae be.look that's him no in it anymore.

I would of said something but in glasgow you do not mess with people who resemble Rab C. Nesbitt.

[Desk]

I had a mentally disabled guy sitting behind me at a screening of GoldenEye, constantly repeating the last word of every piece of dialogue.

Have to say it was quite amusing when Bond cautioned, "No, no, no... no more foreplay..." and in the silence that followed all you could here from behind was....

"Hurrrrrr... 'foreplay'."

A friend of mine took a girl to see Batman, and only at the end when Vicki Vale enters the Batcave to confront Bruce Wayne does this dim bulb ask, "Oh, is he Batman?"

[T-Boy67]

As legend has it, during a screening of What's Love Got To Do With It, a friend of mine said loudly, "I didn't know Tina Turner was black!"

Whilst watching Scream with some chums, who were all horror film fans and we thought it was all very amusing.

The girl behind said to her boyfriend "Why are they laughing, it's not funny, it's just sick!"

So we laughed even more.

And finally and sorry to offend those people out there who don't know who the killer is in PSYCHO.

Whilst watching the remake, during the denoument when the wig is pulled off, the girl behind me said, "Oh my god, it's him!".

[Cap'n Al]

The most surreal experience I ever had was seeing <i>Onegin</i> at an arthouse cinema, where I had the 'pleasure' of sitting in front of an ancient, overweight pair of women, one of whom became convinced that Michael Ball was in it, and said, at regular interviews 'Oh, I do like Michael Ball! Isn't he lovely!', presumably thinking that the not-at-all-like-him Toby Stephens was, in fact, Michael Ball in disguise.

I'd love to say if the film was any good, but these women's ad libs had me in absolute stitches throughout, including such <i>bon mots</i> as 'Ey, it looks cold out there (unsurprisingly, given that the film was set in Russia), I hope Cyril's put the central heating on'. By the time that Stephens/Ball dies, the women presumably felt that they had had their money's worth, and left, vowing that they'd be back the next time 'that nice Michael' makes another film.

[SqueakyG]

I was reading a thread just like this on the IMDb boards... is that where you got the idea?

Unfortunately, I have no interesting stories myself. The only thing I can think of was when watching Titanic, there were 3 girls in the row behind me who were genuinely crying their eyes out at the end. I'd never seen that before... they were really bawling.

[Fever Dawg]

Originally posted by SqueakyG
I was reading a thread just like this on the IMDb boards... is that where you got the idea?



No, the only other boards I frequent are DVDTalk and the footy ones on rivals.net.
;)

[Sarai]

when me and my mate went to watch zoolander the other week one woman on the other side of the cinema absolutely burst into fits of maniacal laughter at every single joke and so every time this happened the whole cinema followed with suit so what you had was what sounded like a very high pitch santa being tickled to death by a cinema full of easily ammused freaks

[Jodrell]

Originally posted by Fever Dawg
The funniest one that I remember is, ages ago, at a showing of Pulp Fiction ....... as the end credits rolled a guy, sat behind me, said to his friend "Eh ? So John Travolta came back to life then ?"
:D

You know what I'd be sayin' if I was sitting behind you at the flix FD, right? :p

<B>EDIT</b>: DO NOT EMBED QUICKTIME FILES AGAIN! It's crashing people's browsers.

[Fever Dawg]

Originally posted by Jodrell


You know what I'd be sayin' if I was sitting behind you at the flix FD, right? :p

You horny ickle minx !!! ;) :nuts:

[Jodrell]

Originally posted by Fever Dawg


You horny ickle minx !!! ;) :nuts:

No, not that!!!!!!!!!111111111111 :o

I'd be singin' "You give me fever, fever in the morning...Fever all through the night!!!!!!!!11111111111" :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Fever Dawg]

Originally posted by Jodrell


No, not that!!!!!!!!!111111111111 :o

I'd be singin' "You give me fever, fever in the morning...Fever all through the night!!!!!!!!11111111111" :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

http://community.theunderdogs.org/smiley/noughty/smileysex.gif

I told you, silly. I cannae give it all through the night !!!!!!!! :eek:

[Jodrell]

Originally posted by Fever Dawg


http://community.theunderdogs.org/smiley/noughty/smileysex.gif

I told you, silly. I cannae give it all through the night !!!!!!!! :eek:

http://www.plaudersmilies.de/bawling.gif

[jonathan_d]

i hate it when people say

DID YOU SEE THAT!!!!!!!!!!

erm no, i didnt actually, i came here to stare at teh floor :rolleyes:

[mjb1975]

When I saw LOTR it was an afternoon performance on a normal 'work day' to hopefully get a fairly quiet audience. There were a few kids there, but they weren't the annoying ones!!

There was a middle-aged couple at the end of my row (I was the only other one on that row). The bloke excitedly mentioned every scene to his wife - not quietly either! The worse bit was when Legolas (cool, cool bloke btw!) caught the massive orc beast thing in the neck - he was all 'did you see where he got him, oh wow!', etc.....I don't mind people being impressed or talking amongst themselves AS LONG AS IT'S QUIET PLEASE!!

[Steve1977]

When I went to see Lord of the Rings at Star City in Birmingham me and my partner were sitting right next to one of the most childish person ever!
Everytime she saw the Hobbit creatures she kept on bursting out laughing due to the technical trickery.
When gandalf came on the screen she was laughing manically. Geeze! The guy did have some great scenes but she was making out as if he was a long lost relative who she had finally seen.
Give it a rest woman!

[Byron]

Titanic back in 97, in a cinema packed to the rafters with hormone riven teenagers. When it got to a certain "life drawing" scene, among the collective gasps and moans, a voice rose shrill from the masses: "Hey, move your pad mate!" (For those who've either blocked it out or haven't watched it, it's covering all that is personal of Ms Winslet's crotch.)

Sorry, not in a PG-13 my friend! :p

[SheepDip]

It all adds up to another reason to watch DVD - the only prat who'll be making comments through the film would be me or friends who I know well enough to tell them to belt-up:D

footnote -I prefer people talking in the cinema, to those low-life who kick the back of your seat.

[SqueakyG]

I have a weird question:

Howcome whenever I view this thread (and only *this* thread), 10 megs of my RAM gets drained, and Quicktime brings up an error message, saying it needs to load "Quicktime musical instruments"?

Who's playing silly buggers?

[FightForTheRight]

That'll be Jodrell then. :rolleyes:

He's got a midi playing through one of his posts - thought it was quite funny, but if it's playing silly buggers with someone's system this thread might have to be closed.

[Hamburger3]

Jondrell post has just crashed my IE browser.

Shut this thread down as its slowing my pc down.

What a stupid thing to do.

[skye_storm]

Heres a good one for you.

A few years a go when i was still at school, me and a mate went to see striptease. For obvious reasons. Anyway during the entire movie there was a group of children on an organised visit talking during the movie.

Bad you might think, but heres the twist:

(they were all either deaf or had severe hearing difficulties)

So i had hands waving in front of me right across demi moores bits and pieces!

Two questions

1) Why take deaf people to a screening with no subtitles?
2) What was the organisers thoery behind taking them to see striptease?

Oh actually hold on, the second question kind of answers the first!

They dont need to hear anything, just look at Demi?

[Arch Stanton]

Recently...

My Gran on Christmas day about an hour into Toy Story on TV...

...Is this a film? or a game ?

[Mr Flibble]

Went to see LOTR, during the opening sequence when we catch a glimpse of gollum this one woman sat in front of me went 'booooo!' It's all you could hear in the cinema!

Good god woman - you're not watching Bobby Davro in Pantomime. To be fair, the woman sat in front of her whipped her head round and gave her a stare of death :clap:

[HighlanderTM]

can someone do something about that damn quicktime problem? I may have half-a-gig of RAM in my machine doesn't mean that i want that crap stuffed in it!

Knock it off!

[Fever Dawg]

Originally posted by Hamburger3
Jondrell post has just crashed my IE browser.

Shut this thread down as its slowing my pc down.

What a stupid thing to do.

Can't the mods just edit Jods post ? No need to close the thread down .... although I did think it was dead in the water until you brought it back to the top again ! :D ;)

[Dagada]

My Dad likes to give director's commentarys during films. My favourite one of his has to be when Jamie Lee Curtis exposes her breasty dumplings in Trading Places. He screamed "Hey???!!!!" at the top of his voice - clearly because my Mum had just entered the room.

Actually, I think "annoying Cinema Fiend commentary" tracks would be a splendid idea and would certainly add a whole new dimension to many films.

[Paul490]

Yeah, it does sound like a great idea. Get a few Joe Six Pack nutters who love a film, and get them to record a commentary for a couple of hundred pounds - BINGO!

© All Rights Reserved - Message From Paul490. Do not copy this message in any way.

;)

[mikegray]

Originally posted by Dagada
Actually, I think "annoying Cinema Fiend commentary" tracks would be a splendid idea and would certainly add a whole new dimension to many films.

I believe this "feature" is provide on a good number of pirate VCDs... a mate of mine's Scary Movie 2 was particularly good for this. :p

[Paul490]

But the quality isn't very good - and it has to be optional too. We actually want to watch the film though. :p

[Leon Warren]

People don't tend to say much when I'm at the cinema...they just either kick the back of my chair or rest there smelly feet on the head rest next to mine. Or if I'm really lucky, I'll get somone who keeps tapping their feet on the floor while at the same time they make as much noise as they can when eating their never-ending supply of food. :brickwall

But I ain't mad... :D

[JohnyC]

Well, there was this time me (and my wife) politely asked these three girls to vacate the seats I had managed to get assigned to us (I'm kinda particular where I like to sit in a cinema -- go ahead, sue me), subsequent to which they spent the entire movie (which was The Hitcher, incidentally -- can't have held much interest for them) commenting upon what utter pillocks certain folks not a million miles away are.

Back then I was a bit jarred by the situation, but now I classify it as one of God's own double simultaneous features.

[cluderi]

Went to see LOTR this week, the people behind decided to have a nice vocal snacking session all the way through the film.

Every 20 mins or so the cinema would hear one of them ask ALL the others "Wanna Coffee ?" "Want some sweets ?" etc and then noisily move down the isle and out of the cinema to buy their stuff.

It reached a high point when he brought back a paper bag full of wrapped sweets and proceeded to noisily unwrap and eat them all (some people should be banned from eating in public).

At which point I turned around and stared at him until he shut up, he seemed quite unnerved.

[Fever Dawg]

I had a bad experience seeing LOTR (again) last night.
Apart from all the kids in there (some as young as 5 or 6 at a 9 o'clock showing, meaning it ended at about midnight .... what are their parents thinking about ?!) I was sat next a huge black guy (I swear it was Tyrone out of Snatch) that was constantly eating, sending text messages on his mobile and blurting out what was going to happen 30 seconds before it did. eg "He's wearing that vest" ... "His head is gonna get cut off here "
:mad: :mad:

[R2-D2]

When I went to see Lord of the Rings recently they showed a trailer for Mel Gibson's "We Were Soldiers". Some idiot blurted out, "So, the Americans are going to win the Vietnam War now, are they?". OK, the idiot was me.

[Robby]

It's pretty pathetic but i try and avoid going to the cinema at 'rush hour' times. I like most people on here, when watching a film want to watch it with minimal distraction. I just get so wound up when you do go and others spoil it my being noisy, rude or whatever. I don't blame them though as it's a problem with me. I'm so used to watching quality DVD movies at home with no fuss, no kicking of chairs etc that it has become my own downfall that i wind myself up when i go to the cinema.

The last film i saw in the cinema was JP3. I went along with the family (so we arrived a bit late) and the only seats available where right at the bleedin front (i usually go for the chairs smack bang in the middle of the theatre). Anyway i had to crane my neck up just to see anything and came out with chronic neck ache.

I think i'm getting too bleedin fussy. I used to have great times going to the cinema with Uni friends sitting at the back generally messing about. I fear i'm getting too old:( or DVD has been too good to me.

[Fever Dawg]

Originally posted by Robby
It's pretty pathetic but i try and avoid going to the cinema at 'rush hour' times. I like most people on here, when watching a film want to watch it with minimal distraction. I just get so wound up when you do go and others spoil it my being noisy, rude or whatever. I don't blame them though as it's a problem with me. I'm so used to watching quality DVD movies at home with no fuss, no kicking of chairs etc that it has become my own downfall that i wind myself up when i go to the cinema.

The last film i saw in the cinema was JP3. I went along with the family (so we arrived a bit late) and the only seats available where right at the bleedin front (i usually go for the chairs smack bang in the middle of the theatre). Anyway i had to crane my neck up just to see anything and came out with chronic neck ache.

I think i'm getting too bleedin fussy. I used to have great times going to the cinema with Uni friends sitting at the back generally messing about. I fear i'm getting too old:( or DVD has been too good to me.

I don't care what anybody says ... but unless you are watching it on a 50" television then you can't beat watching a film at the cinema ... that is, providing, that you aren't sat next to a load of kn0bheads !
The cinema (empty) rules !!!!

[tezmo]

Originally posted by Fever Dawg


I don't care what anybody says ... but unless you are watching it on a 50" television then you can't beat watching a film at the cinema ... that is, providing, that you aren't sat next to a load of kn0bheads !
The cinema (empty) rules !!!!

dawg you just liek empty cinemas so you can interfere with yourself without anyone complaining :D

[samuelowens]

My memorable 'things said in the cinema day' was went I went to see 'Eyes Wide Shut'. There were a couple of old biddies behind me who were growing audibly more impatient as the film went on (I went fairly early on a weekday). This got more noticable as the film went on, but half way through they got up and left, making comments including "This is such smut", "It's pornographic" and "Disgraceful" loudly as they did so. :D

The lesson from this: 'off-peak' can be just as bad as when it's crowded.

[wong fei hong]

My recent viewing of the excellent Ghost World was enlivened by some s-head behind whining about it being 'the worst three quid he ever spent'. :rolleyes:

Nothing bugs me more than hearing f-wits jibber-jabbering or beeping their mobiles through the film... but we are social animals, and a little whispering doesn't wind me up too much. I consider cinema adverts, and to a lesser extent trailers, free game though - ah! Many a theatre has laughed along with the Jerry Seinfeld inspired cry of 'must miss!'

The most annoying thing at the flicks is that damn Coke ad with the student visiting his grandpa. Why is it funny? Is it supposed to be? Why is there lettuce in a bowl on the table? My girlfriend believes that grandma has been eaten by her aging spouse, and he was too full to finish his salad...

[JulesH]

This more of what happened to somebody in the cinema, rather than what they said.......

Cant remember the film but the cinema looked packed apart from two seats next to me. The film had just started when a couple came in late, fully loaded up with nachos and drinks etc. They seemed embarrassed because the film had started so tried to be quiet when seating themselves. Unfortunatley for the guy as he sat down the seat collapsed dumping him on the floor with his nachos on his lap. I was in complete agony trying not to laugh out loud :D

And at another visit to see Gladiator, a friend and I sat right at the back. Again there were two spare seat next to us. This guy walked in and sat down. As the lights went down for the start of the film a woman walked in. The guy was calling to her as quiet as possible to let her know where he was. As she came over in our direction she bent down to kiss my mate, thinking it was her partner :D

[DamienB]

Someone behind me once asked - loudly - who had farted.

And then about 15 seconds later, said "Oh no, hang on, it was me".

Which was v. funny, because it was me. :D