The 51st State - could it be any worse?

[Tom Whitaker]

The review what I wrote for my student newspaper, "The Beaver" (no tittering). Swearing blanked out with ***s, hope that's OK.

---

This film reviewing lark is rarely a chore. It gives me a perfect excuse to see as many films as I like, for free, and earlier than they reach the great unwashed. But once in a while, this honour bestowed upon me by The Beaver transcends all reasonable boundaries, and the simple indulgence of telling you what to watch becomes a matter of urgent, essential public service.

Do not see The 51st State under absolutely any circumstance whatsoever.

Even if your best friend is dying inside the auditorium, think seriously upon whether you would like to enter the cinema and dirty your soul. But to be honest, your mate will probably have already left and gone down the pub. Right from the outset, it's pretty clear that The 51st State will be a shi*wreck of immense proportions. And then it gets worse.

Samuel L. Jackson plays Elmo McElroy, a 'master chemist' who blows up his lab and heads off to our shores, along with the formula for "POS 51", a made-up wonder-drug set to do for clubland what Bjork did for Iceland. Unfortunately, drug-lord Lizard (erm, Meat Loaf) was slap bang in the middle of Elmo's exploding chemistry set. Even more unfortunately, he survived, and calls upon the deadly femme-fatale Dakota (Emily Mortimer) to head back to her home town of Liverpool and pop a cap in our hero's kilt-wearing ass. When she arrives, she finds out that Elmo (constantly, inexplicably clad in tartan) has hooked up with her old flame Felix (Robert Carlyle) in order to do his deal, which will also involve over-acting crooked cop Kane (Sean Pertwee), club-owner and gun-seller Iki (Rhys Ifans) and an extended cameo from Ricky Tomlinson.

If Tomlinson's hit comedy The Royle Family was placed at one end of a quality scale, with his abominable single Are You Looking At Me? at the other, then The 51st State would find itself busting through the limits of said scale at the wrong end. It's worse than the absolute dregs of Jackson and Carlyle's feature-film careers combined (that's Sphere and Plunkett and Macleane, 'fact' fans). So, what's the problem?

Hmm. We'll start with the nonsensical script, loaded with swearing in place of good dialogue. And this isn't 'good swearing'. Multiple times during the film's limp car-chase, director Ronny Yu cuts back to Carlyle for a healthy dash of the F-word in his (admittedly impressive) Scouse accent, and nothing else. Then there's the unhealthy, exasperating obsession with all things British. Grin and bear it as numerous, pointless references to Elmo's kilt clunk across the screen. Look away in mild discomfort as Elmo thinks Fish and Chips or Black Pudding looks unappealing. Try to clamber over throngs of exit-bound punters as Elmo giggles at the word '***********'. For an action-comedy, The 51st State has all the wit of a Russ Abbot repeat and all the thrills of a Robot Wars regional heat.

The plot's not much cop either, as it descends into incoherence, trudging along on the back of coincidences that work out in the end, but which no fool on earth would actually bank on happening. Then EDITED SPOILER. There's also some outdated rubbish about skinheads at football matches, but by that point I truly couldn't care.

As for the performances? Well, Jackson's always pretty cool, and can say 'motherf***er' like no other man alive. The rest are a shambles, with Carlyle the most irritating due to his foul-mouthed dialogue, constant enthusiasm and, frankly, his having the most screen time. But all of the others manage to gall you equally when they're up in front of the camera for the simple fact that they must have, at one stage, thought that this was a good career choice. And director Ronny Yu ditches all notions of coherence and inventiveness for lots of speeded-up-camera-bits, just like the ones in Fight Club (and every music video since that was made). In the past, he's proved that he can make lightweight rubbish worth watching - his Bride Of Chucky was far more entertaining than it had the right to be - but this is, plainly and simply, a waste of time, money, talent and a disgraceful insult to the audience's intelligence.

I've seen the trailer, and it did look entertaining. I know many people would see anything Samuel L. puts his name to. But really, I implore you not to see this. And if that's not enough, come down to the Beaver office and I'll personally beg you not to sit through possibly the worst cinematic experience of all my time as Film Editor.

NO STARS

[Kit_Taylor]

That sounds like it was written for the Uni Rag alright. :)

[john316]

Probably a Uni film student wrote it! :D Of course, it could well be crap but I never listen to students!! :nuts: :D

[nc]

I've heard favourable things about it, so I will go see it and make up my own mind!

[Arch Stanton]

The main movie mags so far have given 51st State pretty good reviews. So it looks like we have a difrence of opinion, here folks.

[rezabelady]

Originally posted by john316
Probably a Uni film student wrote it!

Economics student (?!)

[Tom Whitaker]

Oi! Leave me alone! I'm only trying to help. And by the way, I'm doing a so-called 'proper' degree at a none-too-shabby university, and it's not in Economics. I've also had some very complimentary things said about my past reviews and their style, but I was ill when I wrote this. And hardly all that enthusiastic. And it's not really a very serious film or review. Is it really that bad? Hmm, I digress...

I nearly choked when I saw Empire give it 4 stars. They must have been at a different screening to me, because NO-ONE in ours could have enjoyed it. There was deathly silence and much tutting going on.

John Leslie was there. He laughed once.

[Arch Stanton]

Originally posted by Tom Whitaker


John Leslie was there. He laughed once.

He proberly just rememberd that he used to shag Cathrine Zeta Jones.

[mr_woo]

well opinions are like arseholes everyone has one!

I think i'll make up my own mind but thanks for the review anyway :D

[Jimmyboy]

Originally posted by Arch Stanton


He proberly just rememberd that he used to shag Cathrine Zeta Jones.

LOL !.

:clap:

[Tom Whitaker]

You'll all come crying back to me. ALL OF YOU!!!!! :nuts:

;) :D :p

[StuNew]

Originally posted by Arch Stanton


He proberly just rememberd that he used to shag Cathrine Zeta Jones.

Are you sure it wasn't a stifled sob? ;)

[8-]]

I was quite looking forward to watching this as well....

[tj_director]

was going to watch it simply cos Mr.Jackson is in it, and the reviews weren't negative at all -- but now i'm intrigued - i want to see who is right, the 4/5 reviews from the mags, or Tom's review. we shall see soon enough :)

(PS: The trailer never really got me excited to be honest, and if Samuel wasn't in, then i'd have 0% interest to watch it)

[Yonathan Gal]

Total Film gave it it 4 stars. I must say the clips I saw didn't exaclty blow me away but I'll give it a try. You're right - I'll try anything that Sam Jackson puts his name to... :)

[Spooky_uk]

Originally posted by Yonathan Gal
Total Film gave it it 4 stars. I must say the clips I saw didn't exaclty blow me away but I'll give it a try. You're right - I'll try anything that Sam Jackson puts his name to... :)

You mean even Loaded Weapon 1 ?????

;)

[Rincewind]

OUCH!!

:p

[Tom Whitaker]

Can i just discredit my opinions in general by claiming a certain fondness for Loaded Weapon? It's certainly better than 51. Cheers...

Cmon, guys! Go see! I want to know what you think!

[jonathan.e]

Originally posted by Tom Whitaker
I nearly choked when I saw Empire give it 4 stars. They must have been at a different screening to me, because NO-ONE in ours could have enjoyed it.

As with all these movie mags, you have to ask yourself where their main source of ad revenue comes from......... I’ll let the bright kids at the back fill in the rest.

[The Boogerman]

Absolutely got to disagree with your review Tom. Certainly the no stars summary.

I'd say part of the problem that comes from reviewing a film (or anything else) is that you approach it knowing you will have to have an opinion. Slip your brain into neutral and enjoy the ride.

It isn't groundbreaking. After Lock Stock most British gangster films are going to use strong language, this film was no different. Action and comedy. I'd recommend watching it, and people making their own mind up. I'd say 3/5.

[Bolch]

Well it wasn't bad but it was far from great.

I felt the first half hour or so tried too hard to be something different but all it seemed to contain was Robert Carlyle shouting ******* every other word and the same old camera slow down, speed up that's appeared in every action film since the matrix.

The last hour or so started to pick up, but the first half hour left me so disapointed it would have taken something very special to help me leave the cinema feeling fullfiled, which I didn't.

I'd agree to the 3/5 mark. Theres no doubt going to be people who think this is one of the best action comedies of all time much like the people who think the matrix is the best action sci-fi of all time :rolleyes:

I'd also suggest not reading/editing the original post to this thread as it probably gives a little too much away.

[Tom Whitaker]

Well... glad you lot enjoyed it, but it was.... nah.

I was just thinking about the spoiler in the review earlier, so I have edited it out.

But I actually went to the screening expecting to not have to review it. In the end, I had to knock together a last minute one. I DID have high hopes going in; maybe you lot are going in with the opposite.

But I CAN, even when reviewing, enjoy brainless trash. Mummy Returns, Fast and the Furious, JP3 - gave all of them 3 or more stars.

This just made me feel ill :)

[Mr Vampire]

Thought it was fun, but agree that it was sullied by the overuse of swearing. It's not gonna get any credit for spinning a original idea, but it does what's needed to please the audience and that's all that needs to be said. The 3/5 is a good honest mark, as it achieves nothing in the narrative, but entertains for entertainments sake.

That's as vague as I'll go :D

[adamvbarker]

Derek Malcolm in the Guardian called it "truly, utterly and irreparably dreadful " and it seems the Indy and the Telegraph hated it too.

Film magazines, IMO, have just about the most unreliable reviews around. Just one step above disk jockeys in the "lets give it a good review so we get our names on the poster" quotient.

[wack]

Originally posted by Yonathan Gal
Total Film gave it it 4 stars. I must say the clips I saw didn't exaclty blow me away but I'll give it a try. You're right - I'll try anything that Sam Jackson puts his name to... :)

What about Deep Blue Sea,I think Samuel L Jackson is a good actor who's in it for the money,I mean one read through of the script for DBS should have screamed outLEAVE IT

[DrX]

I'm with Tom on this one! Realllly bad film. Only good thing was watching it with a Scouse audience and laughing in certain places.

Too short
Too stupid
and when the bad guy's a camped up dude called Lizard, you know you're in for a questionable time......

Hope it does well as it cost 16 million quid, 2 million of that coming from the Film Council......

[Tom Whitaker]

Originally posted by wack


What about Deep Blue Sea,I think Samuel L Jackson is a good actor who's in it for the money,I mean one read through of the script for DBS should have screamed outLEAVE IT

But he did get EASILY the best moment, and I think he (and even Renny Harlin) admits that on the commentary.

And thanks Dr X :)

[Vinyl-Pants]

Well, im a Samuel Jackson fan and contrary to others I thought Loaded Weapon 1 was a freaking excellent film - one of the funniest ever.

However, regarding the 51st state I would say that Tom's review is too harsh and the likes of Empire is far too generous. The film definately has it's moments, plenty to laugh out loud at but at the same time the story is silly and the characters are too loud and over-acted.
Its a film I certainly dont regret seeing (unlike pearl habour for instance) because I was entertained for 1 hour 30 minutes but its not something I will be buying on DVD.
I would go as far to say its Mr Jackson's worst film todate (that I have seen) including Deep Blue Sea.

5/10

[GrossePointeJack]

I watched this the other day and just thought it was really average to be honest...one thing was Robert Carlyle saying fcuk every 20 seconds...now i dont mind swearing, in fact i probably say fcuk every 20 seconds myself, but it just sounded plain annoying after a while.

I did enjoy the direction and will have to check out some of Ronny Yu's other stuff but i just found it very, very average...best flicks around right now are 'Zoolander' and 'Jay and Silent Bob strike back'






"you think you're too cool for school, but i got a newsflash for you Walter Kronkite................................you're not." - choice moment from 'Zoolander'.

[John Murray]

This film is utter garbage. The biggest pile of steaming air-headed dross I have seen since 'The Avengers' - but even the plot of that one was like Dostoevsky compared to this no-brainer...

I've already wasted a fiver and the longest 98 minutes of my life (I kept thinking, this MUST get better....) on this train wreck of a movie to go into anymore detail here.

Anyone who found any quality in this is a sub Sun-reading Timmy Mallet fan.


:(

[tj_director]

watched it today and agree with GrossePointeJack's POV.

I think it helped that i had such low expectations from reading this thread -- but it thought it was an ok film, i certainly wouldn't blast it as much as some reviews have.

I wouldn't go as far as to call it an action/comedy because apart from the skinheads who keep getting kicked in, there wasn't much of the comedy that really worked. Otherwise the film is entertaining -- no classic lines or particularaly memorable set pieces, and it will never enter the ranks of Lock, Stock and Snatch -- but it certainly wasn't a bad film, and it was directed pretty well for the kind of film it is.

I reckon American audiences will get more out of it than the UK - I personally wouldn't call it a UK film, despite the funding and the cast. My only real negative comment would be that at times it tried to be a Lad's film, when really there was no need.

And Emily Mortimer is bad ass in the film! pwooar :nuts:

[Byron]

Originally posted by GrossePointeJack
I watched this the other day and just thought it was really average to be honest...one thing was Robert Carlyle saying fcuk every 20 seconds...now i dont mind swearing, in fact i probably say fcuk every 20 seconds myself, but it just sounded plain annoying after a while.

Dang, that does sound annoying; honestly, the depths the French Connection will go to too plug their products (good as they are), absolutely disgraceful! :p

[SPB]

Saw it Sunday. Average, watchable, but average.

The performances of Carslisle and Jackson are good enough, butthe plot is, well, avereage.

Just my opinion.

SPB

PS Did I mention II thought it was average

[Morpheus2000]

I don't understand why it got such a slating, maybe because the Americans didn't get the jokes. It's starts off quite well and is extremely silly. It's actually very funny so remove your brain before you see it.

Samuel J. Jackson plays a chemist who develops the ultimate drug and wants to sell to the highest bidder! Robert Carlyle ends up being his buddy while his ex-girlfriend is hired to kill Sam! In one way it's a cross between Only Fools & Horses and Snatch but it works quite well I thought! You'll recognise a few faces from other TV programs etc…

Liverpool supporters will enjoy this film while Man United will hate it (well they probably wouldn't appreciate it). Very funny scene where Robert Carlyle goes into a pub full of Man United supporters lets of a flare and then does a runner!

This film is quite enjoyable even though it is pretty silly most of the way through! I don't know if it's actually supposed to be a comedy but it's very funny! Just goes to show that Samuel J. Jackson is the coolest dude in town. 6/10 so go and see this film for a good laugh!

[Goblin]

Its filmed in Liverpool which is good enuff for me to watch it!

also Loaded Weopon is a top film!

[McD]

Well I didn't bother with the review here, and there is no way I could justify adding one of my own, but I can confirm the following:

It is one of the biggest piles of **** ever put onto film and absolutely everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves. Utter garbage. If this was Empire in a perfect world it would be one star, Empire in the real world probably gave it three.

[Mozza]

I saw this today and have to admit that I actually enjoyed it. Some good action sequences and quite funny throughout. Samuel Jackson even looks cool when he's dressed like a plonker.
7.5 out of 10 from me.
:)

[BlueDwarf]

Mediocre, underwhelming, and has the same "small" feel about it as almost all other British films made in the past decade or so.

Too many ex-Brooksiders in it aswell.

[Gordon]

Well I thought it was brilliant. One of the best films i've seen in a while. Saying that, Robert Carlyle made it for me. He reminded me of myself in soooo many ways.

[SilverLiner]

Well I'm definetly in the minority as I loved this film and is one of the best films I've seen in a while. I admit that there was waaaaaay too much swearing i it but other than that I enjoyed it and would definetly recomend it :)

[Jimmyboy]

Gonna up the thread coz I had the misfortune of seeing this last night. Quite frankly it's the British equivalent of Pearl Harbour in the quality stakes and I hated every single minute of it.

[Squirrel God]

Originally posted by Tom Whitaker
The review what I wrote for my student newspaper, "The Beaver" (no tittering).
My Uni student newspaper was called The Beaver. Do you also drink in the Three Tuns by any chance? ;)

Oh and I liked 51st State. Lots of laughs :D

[Tom Whitaker]

Goodness... a blast from the past. A few lines of that review I'm deeply embarassed by... but we're three years on and my opinion of it was unchanged by a glimpse of it I caught on sky. Utter garbage.

But yes, I did also drink there :)

[Goblin]

51st State is a good movie, and thats not because Im a scouser! ;) :clap:

[HighlanderTM]

A fun film if you leave your brain a the door. Unfortunately the writer if from the festering craphole of the midlands, Northampton, a degenerate armpit of a town that, sadly, the morons have virtually managed to take over.:oh-hum: